What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 01:25
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So whats the point in blame.
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Is the Democrat party connected with organized crime in America?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But, we were locked up after school.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were not on the streets..
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I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
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But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Was to survive, this bastard.
How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?
She found it foreign!.
So, i spoilt her more .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Have husbands and wives ever had a threesome with someone in real life? How did it happen?
It was going to be , some day.
Comes on , in middle age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I will be 64.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Does Donald Trump have low self-esteem?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He knew the spot.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I said to her
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My family never makes their pension either.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Would this be the day?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was 9 years of age.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
What did i know ?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it wasn’t much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She wouldn,t have been !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I think the readers, may guess!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I write beautiful poetry .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was scared of men, in general
I never cut or harmed myself..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She loved him until the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I don,t even have a pension.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im still living with it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My life is so biszare .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why did i forgive my father ?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She married twice! .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I waited trembling.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was seconnd youngest,
Who then, do I blame.?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Ive learnt so much.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When she asked me how she looked .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I have no regrets .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot live in the past .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
All the time i was locked up.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was very sick at this time too.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is soul school!.